Caring For Adoptive Parents
(Fit Your Own Oxygen Mask First)
We focus on the needs of parents because we know that when a child is struggling, it will be the parent who gets the brunt of it.
There is a misconception that our children need us to be perfect parents. This is simply untrue and unrealistic. Our children actually need us to be good enough parents; parents who endeavour to do the best for their child, whilst also remembering they are human and mistakes are only natural. Our children need to see how we handle challenging situations with genuineness and even more importantly, how we repair situations, once we have created a rupture. We want our children to recognise that mistakes are a natural part of life and they do not define us, what does matter is how we handle the repair of the aftermath.
Parenting a child who has experienced trauma and attachment ruptures, which has led them to be adopted, requires an additional level of parenting; parenting, as we know it, with the addition of the therapeutic element of approach and understanding. We anticipate that it can be exhausting and difficult at times to provide this level of parenting, which is why self-care is so important.
Three things to remember about being a good enough parent
- Parents who can stay regulated and emotionally available when their children can’t, create a safe base for their families
- A parent’s ability to be regulated and feel safe is the most transformative tool they can offer their child
- Nobody can stay regulated all the time. When you lose it repair the relationship quickly, forgive yourself and move on.
<— On the left you can see a useful little video on the need for insight into our own parenting styles.